Sunday, December 2, 2012

[Why?] I love singing but I hate hearing my own voice!

Hello guys! It's 1:29 in the morning here and I just can't sleep yet. I'm just online, waiting for myself to get tired and sleepy. While doing facebook, I stumbled into TvN Kpop Starhunt's fanpage. I found their amazing audition videos and was very jealous of them. They have been blessed with great talents. I really envy them. I just hope I have wonderful talents just like them.

When I was young, it was my Big Dream to be in the Entertainment world. To perform on a stage. Singing and dancing in front of thousands or millions of people.

Kindergarten: I started singing and dancing in classroom activities and school activities.

Grade School: When I was on 3rd grade, I started singing when my mother gave me a piece of paper with lyrics written on it. I don't know why she did that but she made me memorize it and made me sing it. Then, I joined this 'choir' thing and I got it. Lucky me huh? So that's when my singing career (lol) started.

High School: My singing career continued on my 1st year in High School. I wasn't really gonna join this singing contest cause I don't have a passion for singing at all. Me and my friend just went on rooms and joined different auditions. My friend entered a room for declamation auditions. And it's funny she got in! Hahaha. Same happened to me! I just went into a room and joined the Singing audition and got it as well. I was happy because I didn't know I could sing that well that I was the chosen one from like 10 to 15 people in that room.

Then on my 2nd year, I joined the school choir. I've been singing since then. Then I just found out one thing. I heard my own voice on a video and I was really ashamed of my voice. And that's when I stopped my singing career. It really lowered my self confidence. I never record my voice cause whenever I hear it, I feel so embarrassed of myself. Whenever I see somebody taking video, I never opened my mouth. I never talked ever in front of a camera. That's when I started dancing. I left singing and started dancing different types of dance. Folk dance (I have also danced folk dance when I was in 1st grade), Ballroom dance, Modern dance, and even Interpretative dance.

College: I never joined any singing activities at all. I just continued dancing. Then Kpop came to my life. I admired every kpop groups. I find their dances amazing and very addictive. Then the lyrics of the songs gets stuck on my head.

Anways, let's stop there. Let's get to the point of this blog post. I just don't know why I hate my voice so much. When I'm singing, I find my voice to be good. I really love singing. But whenever I record it, I find it very bad. Then I thought of like, "Why did my teacher chose me for that singing contest? Why did I get into the school choir? Are they playing with my voice? When I was singing, maybe they we're laughing behind me." Then I will shake my head and punch myself saying "I'm so stupid. Why did you sing with that kind of voice! You shouldn't have done that! You're embarrassing!"

I've made some research on the internet and found out that there are other people who are experiencing the same thing with me. Check out photo's below.

Here is sample of my voice. :(

Korean Song : Because I'm Stupid by: SS501

Filipino Song : I'll be there by: XLR8

Indonesian Song : Terima Kasih by: IAMNEETA

When you hear my voice in acapella or just plain normal talking voice. It's really really awful! T_T
*Note: I can't even do voice conference on chats and also voice calls (Except for the people I know)

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